DISCLAIMER: THESE ARE MAINLY MY OPINIONS, YOU ARE STILL BEAUTIFUL, GIRRRRLLL

So my next blog being about GIRLS fashion/grooming etc. was promised in my last post. My fans (all 7 of you) felt it would be an interesting read, and so I decided I would keep my promise.


Before you start attacking me

READ MY DISCLAIMER, YOU ARE STILL BEAUTIFUL

I guess your first thoughts are

"Oh of course this guy is at home on a Saturday night...he's a loser that just writes his opinion on girls when he can't even get one"

Guilty as Charged I'm currently sittin on my butt writing this....alone

But you're also reading it so........

(didn't think I'd go there, eh?)

ALL IN GOOD FUN haha.........

ANYWAYS

WHERE TO BEGIN?

I guess we'll start from the top and go down?

I. Hair

Hair is quite important. Luckily, it's something that's RELATIVELY changeable, unlike other physical features. 

That being said, it also really depends what kind of face shape, etc. you have to truly comment on this. So I will not comment on this too much.

MY thoughts:

1. Natural hair color is the way to go

2. I'm not a fan of this "ombre" fad. It looks like a horse tail to me. Also it means "man" in Spanish...ARE YOU A MAN? (that shit was so lame)

3. Bob cuts-tread lightly my friends. Not everyone is 

4. WTF is this?

I'll end with my hair general rule: If you trying something new, make sure you don't have a big event right after to debut it. Give yourself time to re-grow your hair so you can fix whatever you just did.

II. EYEBROWS

Ah, we always come back here don't we? 

This is VERY critical. 

Your eyes define you, and your eyebrows define your eyes. Therefore your eyebrows define you. 

TIPS:

1. Get yourself a hand mirror so you can look REAL close at them brows.

2. PLUCK/THREAD..........or wax to a smaller degree. I'm not a BIG fan of waxing, but do what u gotta do girl.  

OBVIOUSLY, do NOT shave your eyebrows. Because 

a) if you mess up it tends to be a bigger mess up than accidentally plucking 1 eyebrow hair.

b) you'll grow those small pesky eyebrow hairs

c) you'll have to shave more and your skin will look dry

d) you might cut yourself.

3. EYEBROW SHAPE

OH LAWD....THE SHAPES I HAVE SEEN. 

You can't go TOO THIN and you can't go TOO THICK (this doesn't just apply to eyebrows either, naamsayn?)

Please, stay away from the arches and the pencils. Get it together girl.

III. Makeup 

TAKE HOME LESSON: LESS IS MORE

Homegirl saw her makeup and got scared...

1. Dark girls: Don't wear too light of color ESPECIALLY foundation...we can look at your neck and tell you ain't that light.

2. Light girls: you don't have to ALWAYS match your eyeshadow with your clothes...especially really dark stuff like maroon. Your eyelids look bruised

3. All Girls: Can we move away from this Red Lipstick phase? We get it, you're wearing lipstick.

Guys don't want a mouthful of makeup when they do this, so act accordingly.

IV. FASHION

Well, what can I say? This is an ever changing subject.

......

Guess I made my point.

This high waisted "contraption" is a DISSERVICE. MY POINTS ON THIS ARE COPIED FROM THIS WEBSITE/ARTICLE ALL CREDIT TO THEM. 

(http://totalfratmove.com/why-girls-should-stop-wearing-high-waisted-shorts/)

REASONS TO BE ANTI-HIGH WAISTED SHORTS:

1. Only Supermodels Look Good In Them

2. They Make Great Asses Disappear

3. They Remind Us Of Our Grandmothers

What happened to a good old-fashioned salwar for my Indian homegirls?

But, I Digress.

FASHION YESes: 

1. Properly fitting properly waisted jeans

2. Sun Dresses (only 3 inches above knees applies)

3. Cardigans

4. This list sucks

V. SHOES/FEET

This is just reiterating some points from my past blog.

Main thing: Cut your toenails, clean your fungi, get them hairs dealt with on your feet.

Also, Boots are cool but not with shorts, that's weird to me. 

Lastly....

DON'T WEAR HEELS IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO...

THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS ONLY

PLEASE DON'T BE OFFENDED 

RIP to one of the 5 most beautiful women to grace this earth, my Ammachi. She could rock the chatta and mundu. I'm glad I came across this GIF today haha

ALL OF YOU ARE STILL BEAUTIFUL keep rockin' like these aunties

Peace

Finals, Playoffs, "Summer" Rotations.....

Don't Cry guys...

I'm Back.

WHAT BRINGS YOU BACK GROOMINGURU?

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN (it was like 3 people) BUT STILL THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN.

I appreciate the appreciation (I'm not big on grammar) of my blog. I've had enough requests as well as some motivation to give y'all some love as my summer begins.

and to the haters....

Anyways.....I'm back. I figured since the Rockets are not playing (Damian Lillard, I wish you a fruitful career in the NBA, but I hope you get destroyed in each and every playoffs from now on. And I hope this commercial comes true...NO RINGS BOI, unless you get traded to the Rockets of course...

Cavs #1 Pick again? I'm trying to think the NBA is not rigged but it's almost as fake as this sequence 

Jeez....come on they lost Lebron, they got enough #1 picks. What did we get for losing Yao? Nothing.

ACTUAL GROOMING TIP AND NOT B.S. RIGHT HERE

Uhh.... so. During finals, of course I didn't shave. It should not be an excuse to look like a hobo 

this goes for the ladies too, treat yoself....to a threading (oh sue me...)

So, my tips on how to keep from being called a terrorist (especially for my indian brothers), hobo, etc. It's VERY simple.

Get yourself a pair of small scissors 

These are meant for moustaches. 

IF YOU USE BIG SCISSORS THAT ARE FOR PAPER, YOU WILL CUT UR LIP OFF AND LOOK LIKE U HAVE CLEFT PALATE. 

sorry.

Use these to cut the hairs hanging over ur lip. (upper lip, if they all up on your bottom lip, cut that too).

These are also handy for those pesky long nose hairs. 

SUMMER FACIAL HAIR TIPS:

Once again, if you're too lazy, don't have enough time, already have a girlfriend so don't need to impress with cool facial hair styles: CLEAN SHAVE.

At the very least, you can get girls to feel ur smooth face like this: 

I think the last time my face was that smooth, I was in my mother's uterus.

SUMMER FEET/SHOES:

So, folks want to wear flip flops/sandals and the such during summer.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE:

1. Cut your toe nails

2. Clean your dirty toe nails

3. Get some antifungal if it's fungus up in that nail and not just residual from socks

4. If your toes are that bad, wear some socks

5. If your feet are extremely hairy, consider trimming/shaving whatever (if you followed my advice to trim your leg hairs in the first place, this is a must)

6. Cut your toe nails

7. Clean your dirty toe nails

Yeah, some things need to be reiterated as such.

8. (this is kinda harsh, if you're sensitive don't even read this): some people just got ugly feet (you know who you are) 

There are many reasons for this 

a. toes could be too chubby (this doesn't mean YOU yourself are fat either)

b. toes could be too skinny (this doesn't mean YOU yourself are skinny either).

c. your toe nails are just beyond repair (damaged/lack of actual nail/fungus:refer above)

d. one of your feet are bigger than the other (no explanation)

IF YOU CAN'T FOLLOW THESE RULES, MAYBE FLIP FLIPS AREN'T FOR YOU.

"Groominguru, you're so mean" I'm sorry, I usually wear slip ons with sandals. You can still lead a perfectly good summer life without wearing flip flops. 

SCHOOL/BLURBS

I've been gone for a while. Let's just say...this semester has taken a toll on me. At the end I was just like........

Luckily, God pulled some miracles for me, and I made it through

(thanks to St. Anthony also....there's a reason I got my grades back on a Tuesday)
(This is also a reminder to not be afraid to profess your faith, in whatever medium)

After my finals, I just slept....

then I woke up and realized I only had a week off since I had some P3 rotations to finish.

But then I'm like

Hey, I'm a year away (God-willing)

FUTURE TOPICS

I Think I'm going to touch on some things (fashion-wise) I do and don't like that girls are doing nowadays.

I know what you're thinking "groominguru, aint nobody care what you think about us girls cuz we don't want yo scrub ass anyway" 

Oh....really?

TOO BAD THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN.

YOU.....COME.....

Peace

SUMMA TIME

Oh, were you still there?

Sup, folks.

It's been a while. Time flies when you're having fun....studying.... School sucks.

Also, this weather has not helped. It's been cold for too damn long, and I don't appreciate that. I'm ready for the summer (scholastically and the actual season).

Luckily, it's been starting to warm up slowly.

Am I going to complain when the sweltering heat begins? You better believe it, but atleast I won't catch a cold.

I know what you're thinking...."Groominguru, are you a meterologist? Shut up and tell me what to do"

SUMMER TIME

As much as I love wearing my scarves, I'm happy to put them away. They will only reappear for gimmicks, a la snapchat. 

I always wear shorts anyway, even when it's cold, but now I don't have to cover my upperbody from increased cold. 

GIRLS, YOU HAVE TO SHAVE YOUR LEGS NOW, HAHAHAHAHAHA

I Guess guys do too if they plan on pulling this number on the hunnies

(personally, im a leg trimmer not a shaver, this will be detailed in my manscaping post

............whenever that is)

But, like mummy and daddy say: 

There's a tasteful length for skirts, girls. 

Here's some rules:

1. If you can touch leg skin with your hands down, it's too short. (Unless you got long arms like....)

2. If you're having to re-adjust/pull down your skirt every few minutes, it's too short. Cuz then you look like this...

3. If you have to stand up to cross your legs, it's too short

I think you get the picture...

Guys, I get it, summer is the time to bro it out, work on them biceps and shit.

But please, don't try to pull a shirt like this 

Or, wtf is this...

Man, there's more of these than I thought...

Sleeveless and no collar? um, no.

UNISEX TIPS:

Sandals.

I'm a fan of sandals since I have long toes. If you got chubby feet go exercise (JK).

If you are gonna wear sandals, please cut your toe nails. Unless you want the love of your life to look at them and be like 

I Recommend pedicures for everyone. I don't see why people think it's so feminine, do only women have feet?

Shit, I work hard and get callouses.

Miscallaneous notes:

1. Rockets are on a 7 game winning streak, holla.

2. Check out my homegirl's blog www.thefarzamacylife.blogspot.com/

3. Please wear deodorant in the summer (and the winter, and the fall, and the spring) but in the summer, carry it with you also.

4. BKC

Anyways, I guess I should get back to studying. 

Just kidding I'll be in my room doing this 

Wtf is a polar vortex?

So... it's cold in H-town (home of the playaz n pimps) and I don't appreciate it at all. All these sick people with the flu coming into CVS gettin their germs on me. Luckily I've been able to dodge it and this is what I felt like:

 

AND

Why does this matter?

Winter fashion and grooming is quite different from regular fashion and grooming. You can't just hop up outta bed and turn your swag on. There's more of a process. This is the ideal time to grow out your facial hair guys (and gals...jk). 

My Tips for full beards: 

1. If you haven't been following, pluck your eyebrows 

2. keep the full beard clean (no overdoing the scruff on the neck, don't let it hang over your lips and stuff). 

3. Don't have uneven lengths in your beard, this ain't no girls layered haircut. Trim it to get a uniform length throughout your beard.

4. If you have a white hair in there, pluck it. This doesnt mean you're old either, I know young people with white hair in it.

5. If your beard grows with blank patches, consider NOT growing a full beard (sorry brah).

Examples:

NOOOOOOO

 YES

HAIR: I don't believe in longer hair (for guys, unless it's really long) keeping you warm. So whatever style you're feelin, go for it. 

FEMALES...

YEAH.... I WENT THERE..

The stories you've heard are true. Your long leg hairs rubbing against your sweatpants are a fire hazard. I've heard a lot of my homegirls say "Oh it's winter, now I don't gotta wax my legs".

Oh, you think you cute with your legs lookin like this?

WRONG. 

What if the love of your life is about to put leg bangles on you?

Yes, the odds of that happening are high.

I can hear the uproar now, I'm ready for your bullets...

This was my foray into female grooming tips.... Let's see if I get beat up before I continue. 

Anywayz........

(Transition)

SCARVES...

I've been chastised a lot for wearing scarves. I'm sorry, but I have to keep my neck warm to keep from getting sick. Did I do it to be obnoxious sometimes? Of course, but how else does one start fashion trends? 

Some thoughts on scarves (I'm in a numerical list mood)

1. Make sure your scarf isn't short. If it's short that's not a scarf that's a handkerchief.

2. Yes your scarf's color is supposed to blend with your clothes. Consider it like a necktie, you're not gonna wear a yellow scarf with a brown shirt (shut up, hipster). 

3. Master at least one type of knot, rolling it in a circle around your neck is not a knot.

4. Scarves aren't just for girls or overly feminine. 

Want to know how to tie a knot? 

(This is prob a better link though https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4ZV-YWFvRY)

Miscallaneous notes (list form again of course):

1.Stay safe out there my friends. Don't get your flu shots though...it's too late, sorry. It's not a miracle shot.

2. Oh yeah, Merry Christmas and Happy New year!

3. A polar vortex (also known as a polar cyclone, polar low, frigid twister, or a circumpolar whirl is a persistent, large-scale cyclone located near either of a planet's geographical poles (from wikipedia)

4. School starts soon....