"I'm Following all your tips, but girls are still not throwing themselves at me...."

Sup guys, hope everyone enjoyed their summer (while I did not have one).




But, I'm not complaining because life could always be worse, and atleast the Rockets have Dwight Howard.

It's getting really hot in Houston, and I'm getting lazier about everything. I need somebody to hose me down with cold water just to stay hydrated 

 I have neglected the blog for a while, forgive me. 

So......I've noticed people only admit to reading and enjoying my blog when they are drunk. 

Heh

I was surprised after my last post, I did not receive threatening comments from girls. I guess that means either girls believe in my fashion advice,

OR girls just don't read my blog

(WHO ARE WE KIDDING WE KNOW IT AIN'T THIS)

Once again "DISCLAIMER: THESE ARE MAINLY MY OPINIONS, YOU ARE STILL BEAUTIFUL, GIRRRRLLL"

I ACTUALLY FORGOT TWO COMMENTS regarding FASHION....

1. Headbands

Type A: I get it, you're a hipster....

and then.............

Type B: I get it, you're.....the queen of Egypt?

NO


NO, just....don't

2.Midriff showing dresses/ short top and placing skirt at a distance (i don't even know sometimes if it's one dress or ur just pulling ur skirt down to show some midriff.

whatever the hell this is or something like it:

IS THIS THE BEGINNING OF FEMALE SAGGING?

Okay, I get it if you have abs and a belly button piercing or something, but some girls got it just up above their breasts. I'm just not a big fan

These are the only midriff revealing dresses that should be worn, just look at these hunnies:

ANYWAYS before I get killed

As usual I like to address the concerns of the critics of my blog

 (I appreciate the love though, I'm here for you)

"Groominguru, what do you know about picking up girls?"

I guess you're right, only aunties love me. 

BUT I have watched a lot of movies and done a lot of research. 

With that being said....

"GROOMINGURU, I'M FOLLOWING ALL YOUR ADVICE BUT I'M STILL NOT PICKING UP GUYS/GIRLS"

Mainly, you want them to look at you like :

But all you're getting is: 

Then there are the critics that are like "uhh groominguru i be gettin guys/girls by doin the EXACT OPPOSITE of your advice.....and to that I say:

(except I'm being 17 times more sarcastic)

My Response (in list form for you to better follow).

1. I did not promise that you would pick up guys/girls. 

In our society, we are so used to having things handed to you 

That is not happening here, get yourself out there.

2. I'm a stern believer in:

look good =feel good= do good

Sometimes, you just gotta have confidence. If you are properly groomed, you got one less thing to worry about.

3. Timing/Preparation

You must always be prepared. God has a schedule for everything, just be ready to make a move (with your properly groomed/dressed self when homegirl look at you like: 

Ending Tidbits:

August 15th: The Assumption of Mary and Indian Independence Day.

As a Catholic, we are misperceived as worshipping Saints/Mary.

We all just need a little bit of help, so we pray for intercession.

INDIA

I'm proud of my country and their hardworking ways, these kids in poverty will become a success with their driven mentality. 

DISCLAIMER: THESE ARE MAINLY MY OPINIONS, YOU ARE STILL BEAUTIFUL, GIRRRRLLL

So my next blog being about GIRLS fashion/grooming etc. was promised in my last post. My fans (all 7 of you) felt it would be an interesting read, and so I decided I would keep my promise.


Before you start attacking me

READ MY DISCLAIMER, YOU ARE STILL BEAUTIFUL

I guess your first thoughts are

"Oh of course this guy is at home on a Saturday night...he's a loser that just writes his opinion on girls when he can't even get one"

Guilty as Charged I'm currently sittin on my butt writing this....alone

But you're also reading it so........

(didn't think I'd go there, eh?)

ALL IN GOOD FUN haha.........

ANYWAYS

WHERE TO BEGIN?

I guess we'll start from the top and go down?

I. Hair

Hair is quite important. Luckily, it's something that's RELATIVELY changeable, unlike other physical features. 

That being said, it also really depends what kind of face shape, etc. you have to truly comment on this. So I will not comment on this too much.

MY thoughts:

1. Natural hair color is the way to go

2. I'm not a fan of this "ombre" fad. It looks like a horse tail to me. Also it means "man" in Spanish...ARE YOU A MAN? (that shit was so lame)

3. Bob cuts-tread lightly my friends. Not everyone is 

4. WTF is this?

I'll end with my hair general rule: If you trying something new, make sure you don't have a big event right after to debut it. Give yourself time to re-grow your hair so you can fix whatever you just did.

II. EYEBROWS

Ah, we always come back here don't we? 

This is VERY critical. 

Your eyes define you, and your eyebrows define your eyes. Therefore your eyebrows define you. 

TIPS:

1. Get yourself a hand mirror so you can look REAL close at them brows.

2. PLUCK/THREAD..........or wax to a smaller degree. I'm not a BIG fan of waxing, but do what u gotta do girl.  

OBVIOUSLY, do NOT shave your eyebrows. Because 

a) if you mess up it tends to be a bigger mess up than accidentally plucking 1 eyebrow hair.

b) you'll grow those small pesky eyebrow hairs

c) you'll have to shave more and your skin will look dry

d) you might cut yourself.

3. EYEBROW SHAPE

OH LAWD....THE SHAPES I HAVE SEEN. 

You can't go TOO THIN and you can't go TOO THICK (this doesn't just apply to eyebrows either, naamsayn?)

Please, stay away from the arches and the pencils. Get it together girl.

III. Makeup 

TAKE HOME LESSON: LESS IS MORE

Homegirl saw her makeup and got scared...

1. Dark girls: Don't wear too light of color ESPECIALLY foundation...we can look at your neck and tell you ain't that light.

2. Light girls: you don't have to ALWAYS match your eyeshadow with your clothes...especially really dark stuff like maroon. Your eyelids look bruised

3. All Girls: Can we move away from this Red Lipstick phase? We get it, you're wearing lipstick.

Guys don't want a mouthful of makeup when they do this, so act accordingly.

IV. FASHION

Well, what can I say? This is an ever changing subject.

......

Guess I made my point.

This high waisted "contraption" is a DISSERVICE. MY POINTS ON THIS ARE COPIED FROM THIS WEBSITE/ARTICLE ALL CREDIT TO THEM. 

(http://totalfratmove.com/why-girls-should-stop-wearing-high-waisted-shorts/)

REASONS TO BE ANTI-HIGH WAISTED SHORTS:

1. Only Supermodels Look Good In Them

2. They Make Great Asses Disappear

3. They Remind Us Of Our Grandmothers

What happened to a good old-fashioned salwar for my Indian homegirls?

But, I Digress.

FASHION YESes: 

1. Properly fitting properly waisted jeans

2. Sun Dresses (only 3 inches above knees applies)

3. Cardigans

4. This list sucks

V. SHOES/FEET

This is just reiterating some points from my past blog.

Main thing: Cut your toenails, clean your fungi, get them hairs dealt with on your feet.

Also, Boots are cool but not with shorts, that's weird to me. 

Lastly....

DON'T WEAR HEELS IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO...

THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS ONLY

PLEASE DON'T BE OFFENDED 

RIP to one of the 5 most beautiful women to grace this earth, my Ammachi. She could rock the chatta and mundu. I'm glad I came across this GIF today haha

ALL OF YOU ARE STILL BEAUTIFUL keep rockin' like these aunties

Peace

Finals, Playoffs, "Summer" Rotations.....

Don't Cry guys...

I'm Back.

WHAT BRINGS YOU BACK GROOMINGURU?

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN (it was like 3 people) BUT STILL THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN.

I appreciate the appreciation (I'm not big on grammar) of my blog. I've had enough requests as well as some motivation to give y'all some love as my summer begins.

and to the haters....

Anyways.....I'm back. I figured since the Rockets are not playing (Damian Lillard, I wish you a fruitful career in the NBA, but I hope you get destroyed in each and every playoffs from now on. And I hope this commercial comes true...NO RINGS BOI, unless you get traded to the Rockets of course...

Cavs #1 Pick again? I'm trying to think the NBA is not rigged but it's almost as fake as this sequence 

Jeez....come on they lost Lebron, they got enough #1 picks. What did we get for losing Yao? Nothing.

ACTUAL GROOMING TIP AND NOT B.S. RIGHT HERE

Uhh.... so. During finals, of course I didn't shave. It should not be an excuse to look like a hobo 

this goes for the ladies too, treat yoself....to a threading (oh sue me...)

So, my tips on how to keep from being called a terrorist (especially for my indian brothers), hobo, etc. It's VERY simple.

Get yourself a pair of small scissors 

These are meant for moustaches. 

IF YOU USE BIG SCISSORS THAT ARE FOR PAPER, YOU WILL CUT UR LIP OFF AND LOOK LIKE U HAVE CLEFT PALATE. 

sorry.

Use these to cut the hairs hanging over ur lip. (upper lip, if they all up on your bottom lip, cut that too).

These are also handy for those pesky long nose hairs. 

SUMMER FACIAL HAIR TIPS:

Once again, if you're too lazy, don't have enough time, already have a girlfriend so don't need to impress with cool facial hair styles: CLEAN SHAVE.

At the very least, you can get girls to feel ur smooth face like this: 

I think the last time my face was that smooth, I was in my mother's uterus.

SUMMER FEET/SHOES:

So, folks want to wear flip flops/sandals and the such during summer.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE:

1. Cut your toe nails

2. Clean your dirty toe nails

3. Get some antifungal if it's fungus up in that nail and not just residual from socks

4. If your toes are that bad, wear some socks

5. If your feet are extremely hairy, consider trimming/shaving whatever (if you followed my advice to trim your leg hairs in the first place, this is a must)

6. Cut your toe nails

7. Clean your dirty toe nails

Yeah, some things need to be reiterated as such.

8. (this is kinda harsh, if you're sensitive don't even read this): some people just got ugly feet (you know who you are) 

There are many reasons for this 

a. toes could be too chubby (this doesn't mean YOU yourself are fat either)

b. toes could be too skinny (this doesn't mean YOU yourself are skinny either).

c. your toe nails are just beyond repair (damaged/lack of actual nail/fungus:refer above)

d. one of your feet are bigger than the other (no explanation)

IF YOU CAN'T FOLLOW THESE RULES, MAYBE FLIP FLIPS AREN'T FOR YOU.

"Groominguru, you're so mean" I'm sorry, I usually wear slip ons with sandals. You can still lead a perfectly good summer life without wearing flip flops. 

SCHOOL/BLURBS

I've been gone for a while. Let's just say...this semester has taken a toll on me. At the end I was just like........

Luckily, God pulled some miracles for me, and I made it through

(thanks to St. Anthony also....there's a reason I got my grades back on a Tuesday)
(This is also a reminder to not be afraid to profess your faith, in whatever medium)

After my finals, I just slept....

then I woke up and realized I only had a week off since I had some P3 rotations to finish.

But then I'm like

Hey, I'm a year away (God-willing)

FUTURE TOPICS

I Think I'm going to touch on some things (fashion-wise) I do and don't like that girls are doing nowadays.

I know what you're thinking "groominguru, aint nobody care what you think about us girls cuz we don't want yo scrub ass anyway" 

Oh....really?

TOO BAD THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN.

YOU.....COME.....

Peace

SUMMA TIME

Oh, were you still there?

Sup, folks.

It's been a while. Time flies when you're having fun....studying.... School sucks.

Also, this weather has not helped. It's been cold for too damn long, and I don't appreciate that. I'm ready for the summer (scholastically and the actual season).

Luckily, it's been starting to warm up slowly.

Am I going to complain when the sweltering heat begins? You better believe it, but atleast I won't catch a cold.

I know what you're thinking...."Groominguru, are you a meterologist? Shut up and tell me what to do"

SUMMER TIME

As much as I love wearing my scarves, I'm happy to put them away. They will only reappear for gimmicks, a la snapchat. 

I always wear shorts anyway, even when it's cold, but now I don't have to cover my upperbody from increased cold. 

GIRLS, YOU HAVE TO SHAVE YOUR LEGS NOW, HAHAHAHAHAHA

I Guess guys do too if they plan on pulling this number on the hunnies

(personally, im a leg trimmer not a shaver, this will be detailed in my manscaping post

............whenever that is)

But, like mummy and daddy say: 

There's a tasteful length for skirts, girls. 

Here's some rules:

1. If you can touch leg skin with your hands down, it's too short. (Unless you got long arms like....)

2. If you're having to re-adjust/pull down your skirt every few minutes, it's too short. Cuz then you look like this...

3. If you have to stand up to cross your legs, it's too short

I think you get the picture...

Guys, I get it, summer is the time to bro it out, work on them biceps and shit.

But please, don't try to pull a shirt like this 

Or, wtf is this...

Man, there's more of these than I thought...

Sleeveless and no collar? um, no.

UNISEX TIPS:

Sandals.

I'm a fan of sandals since I have long toes. If you got chubby feet go exercise (JK).

If you are gonna wear sandals, please cut your toe nails. Unless you want the love of your life to look at them and be like 

I Recommend pedicures for everyone. I don't see why people think it's so feminine, do only women have feet?

Shit, I work hard and get callouses.

Miscallaneous notes:

1. Rockets are on a 7 game winning streak, holla.

2. Check out my homegirl's blog www.thefarzamacylife.blogspot.com/

3. Please wear deodorant in the summer (and the winter, and the fall, and the spring) but in the summer, carry it with you also.

4. BKC

Anyways, I guess I should get back to studying. 

Just kidding I'll be in my room doing this