Faith hope and....Lungis?, (Also Saris)....An Indian's guide to wedding season

Sup folks, I know it's been a long month without me, but I'm back...

I know my title is kinda lengthy, but....

Summer is still here...it's freakin' almost the end of September but its still in the 100s. But as usual I remember how much of my check goes to taxes...and how much MORE of it would go to taxes if I lived somewhere the weather is chillier and how much more a house would cost....

So i'll continue to live in the BADDEST STATE IN THE WORLD (yeah, the world....just before Kerala).

I need to shred soon and hopefully the weather will cooperate so I can start running again.
Luckily, I wear scrubs to work and my hips can lie all day in them.

Or maybe i'll try to learn how to swim again.

yeah right

BTW....does anybody have any videos/ willing to teach me how to swim?

Also side note: when I say I'm fat people get offended saying I weigh less than them, or my BF% is less than them blah blah blah....

When I say I'm fat, it's that I'm mentally fat. 2 Weeks ago my coworker brought a packet of candy and I ate it all before lunch. It was supposed to last the week.

Do I put in the work to overcome this? Yes.
Is it hard to fight the temptation to not buy a Big Mac for every meal of the day? Yes.

Concerns/Comments from my last post: Of course the girls lashed out that they get it just as bad from bullies for bein chubby. My main concern was society backs them up....while the closest thing we had was the 2-week fad of "dad bod".

START READING HERE IF YOU'RE SELFISH AND ONLY HERE FOR THE GOODS.

In the spirit of wedding season coming to a close, and Onam....

I. Jubas

A. styles

i. Standard

This is the typical everyday juba/"kurta" as they call it in north india. It is easily found in stores in India, or even in America. Straight and to the point. The benefit of this is it is easier to get your head through it after doing your hair.

ii. Side neck (rare)

If you're trying to change it up, try this side neck style. This will most probably have to be tailored as I have yet to find it ready-made. 

This style was popular in the 70's and is something I picked up from a random uncle that I met years ago. 

This is my current go-to style, but I only have a few made. It is slightly more difficult to get this one and angle your head so as to not mess up your hair, but this variation is something that is subtle and makes a good impression. 

iii. Designs, Colors, etc. 

There are a multitude of designs/prints that you can get, but unless you're gettin' married....I'd avoid these. 

What color should you get? Anything but beige. Whatever colors you feel comfortable with for shirts, would be the same for this...no different. 

B. Fit

India is no different than America in this sense. The current fad is a modern or more tapered fit. 

Try to taper mostly around arms/chest and avoid being tight on the belly. This will help if you are wearing a lungi underneath.

This also helps if you're gonna drink/eat alot and gives you wiggle room. 

II. Lungis
All throughout elementary and grade school my friends would ask: why does your dad wear a towel outside?

This was the first time I was able to introduce lungis to my american brethren. 

(side note: I was never ashamed of my father nor did I ever tell him to wear shorts instead)

A. Styles
i. "kay-lee" aka towel

and....

This type is for everyday use. At home, on the streets of kerala. And for me....when I run out of clean basketball shorts to wear at home...I grab my Kaylee. 

These are usually multi-colored and don't have to match anything. Also these are usually tied up 

(so that you can be ready to do work at home/on the fields).

ii. Dhoti/fashionable

B. Colors
The line should match your shirt/juba/kurta (pretty easy)

It doesn't have to be the exact same color. Try to have one of every common color (blue, green, red, black). 

Exception to the rule: Golden/silver line lungis are universal....similar to black slacks. 

C. Wear (most important point)
i. side:

the print should be on your right leg. 

ii. Tie

OR....if you're like me you do this 

wear a belt, and cover it up with the excess lungi cloth above. 

OR. buy the new lungis with velcro to tie and pockets

D. Shoes/Sandals:
What's the rule on shoes?
Let's get this clear, it might seem cute to wear tennis shoes with lungis....but this is our culture and heritage and isn't meant to be made a mockery of.

that is similar to doing this....

I know I'm making it sound more serious than it is, but look at what is happening to our African American brothers. We are prejudiced against, but luckily are not being hurt as bad.

They are paving the way for us, we need to appreciate/ support their efforts when done peacefully.

Back to the point....America is great because we are expected to be different and accepted for such, no need to mix it up. If we lose our culture/identity, it just becomes a melting pot.

Anyways....no full shoes with Lungis

These shoes/sandals are closed up front but open in the back, these are good. 

The OG sandals: BATA FEATHERLITES 

 

these are my number 1 options. 

If all else fails: 

Also if you tying up your lungi.....make sure to not skip leg day to show your chicken legs 

III. Saris

When I see a chick (ages 24-26) that's able to rock a sari properly without showing too much skin and can walk without looking like they're an infant taking its first steps...

A. Styles

silk/kancheepuram-the original style. Silk with work. Nowadays this is reserved for "older" women since girls start wearing Saris when they're 8 nowadays. This is a classic style that will never go old. Also usually what women choose for weddings. 

Chiffon- embroidered, usually thinner and lighter than silk sari. This is what the "younger" girls tend to wear since it is more malleable, easier to walk around in, and you don't get as hot. 

Georgette- Similar to chiffon (why do I know these terms?)

I think this is called album or some shit? I don't think this is fashion anymore and I'm glad haha. Some type of print on the edge, which won't even be seen if you ain't rockin it properly.

B. Colors- These come in all different colors, ha

C. Fit/Wear
i. Too Tight:
So....some chicks (not necessarily fat) end up wearing these blouses that are WAYY too tight and all their extra skin, etc be hangin out the front and back...

I'm not sayin' you're fat, but just don't try to fit in a blouse that was meant for your little sister..

don't force that stuff in people's faces.

ii. Skinny: flaunt?
Skinny chicks tend to wear open back sari blouses which is okay, but just cuz ur skinny don't mean you da shit.

Some girls are too skinny though.

iii. Blouse: Backne/discoloration
The issue with open backs is that you're letting it all out there. We are all human, but you have to make the decision of whether you're ready to show all of this. I know I'm self conscious about my face acne when it pops up, so if you're confident enough to rock even with the backne...more power to you girl,

iv. Angles, angles, angles.

As in IG pix which you try to look your best (I wouldn't know, I don't have IG), 

Sometimes the way you wear it can look good from the front, but slutty from the side. It is all about being tasteful. 

Also, there is no rule that you have to show alot of skin when you wear a sari to look hot. I mean look at my girl Kajol all draped up....

D. Bindis

this is hot.

this is not....

If you're unsure....just skip it. 

E. Sandals/Heels: Make sure they match

Also, don't wear flats. Some type of heel is necessary here. 

Any and all of this has to be done for yourself and your own self happiness, not to impress or win over anybody. At that point....none of this is worth any of the time or money you spend. 

And as usual....it's all about confidence 

Miscellaneous tidbits:

1. You gotta work hard for the things you want. You can't be crying about being out of shape, while eating Kimchi Fries and Chicken over rice all day. Switch out that ice cream for a fruit cup 

2. I'm always here for tips (not that I'm some body builder fitness model, I'm just your every day guy),

but if you're not willing to follow them don't waste my time or yours. I follow a very basic concept that if followed will provide results. Hard work and faith are the ingredients to success

3. One day I trimmed my beard cuz I messed up one of my lines (yeah even I mess up)...

to which people said I was no longer the groominguru.....which got me thinking. If I shaved my beard off, would I no longer be the groominguru? My followers are so superficial. Guess I will die with the beard (or till I get married and the guru is killed). 

4. Went to Sonu Nigam and Atif Aslam concert....And all I have to say is I don't know who I'd be without Indian Music. I am blessed that my dad grew up and brought me up singing (although I hated it initially). I am also glad that he spent his formative years (17-27) in Bombay, so my Indian music love is a blend of malayalam, tamil (random), and hindi. 

Fat shaming....a boy/man's tale

What's poppin', all? 

I was hiding behind this plant all along...

I almost forgot about ma peeps until last weekend "the people" spoke that they miss groominguru (of course they were drunk...the only time they admit their love)....jk i'll never forget y'all.

(DON'T READ YET IF YOU DON'T GIVE A SH*T ABOUT MY LIFE)

Bless me father for I have sinned, It's been about 2 months since my last post.

What's been happening since?

Still at my new-ish job....still getting the hang of certain things but a job is a job, right?
I've been eatin' like sh*t, My foot has been hurting so I can't run (besides the fact it's hot AF outside, and there's so many damn Pokemoner's out on the trail), I witnessed a real life Miracle (Not my place/miracle to testify....but God is real, and his timing is perfect)

and a whole lotta

yeah that's pretty much the meat of it.

Preface: Don't take this is a gender war. I'm just here to stand up for myself/my homies that have been larger than the median. I know my last post had some gender barrier issues as well, but this is not a trend/uprising. Please ladies do not get in formation. 

This is also not me advocating that people should gain weight. I am all for a healthy lifestyle, but I feel that people should be able to feel happy if they are larger.

(START HERE, B)
I. Fat Shaming

A. So when I went to NY last November, I came across this advertisement as I was riding the double decker bus like a typical tourist:

And my first instinct was mathematically....no Plus is actually more you dumb a** advertiser (who could be a male as well, so don't take that as a sexist remark). 

Anyways I was like...alright I know hunnies that have been teased and hurt about their weight...do your thing girl.

But then I came across this gem a few weeks ago:

(Side note...Bob's burgers is one of the most underratedly good shows that nobody talks about because they think they're too cool to watch it).

Anyways, it got me thinking.....this sh*t is so true. Us men have nobody to fight for our rights as fat fuc*s. I have been rejected by hunnies for bein' fat for 26 goin' on 27 years and there are no plus-size models to be our advocates. 

All we got is shit like this:

B. Growing up fat as a boy is just as hard (if not harder) as it is to grow up a fat girl.

1. Young boys always be talkin' smack

a. Fat-bin, Tubby, Jello just a few of the many nicknames for my larger than life self. (side note....the person that started the Jello nickname is now "fat"....karma eh?)

jk i don't hold a grudge

If mean girls has taught you anything (buy a copy of this now for your future children, it should be the first movie you let them watch as they begin middle school), girls are hurtful in this department as well, but it doesn't make things any easier. At least girls will hide it sometimes and say it behind your back. Young lads called me fat to my face almost on a daily basis.

2.  "Husky"

a. I know all my fat young homies remember the dreadful time of having to go shopping as a young fat lad. If you never wore husky, you were never fat enough to join in our difficulty. 34 Husky was different from a 34 regular. 

ab exercises will not help you fit into pants

Pants don't come in different waist sizes/lengths like they do for adult men. So growing up as a kid, I ended up having to wear shorts that were really long to account for my waist size, or my mom would have to alter my shorts/pants for my height.

my mom also called me bossy the other day

, and said to stop bein' a bit*h and maybe that's why I'm single....hey I love you too mummy.

b. Man boobs-shirts were no easier task. T-shirts and dress shirts alike did not hide man boobs, which just made you feel even worse going shopping. Nothing would fit. Undershirts could only hide so much 

(which reminds me of the month I wore a compression shirt underneath....holla)

this was the same month I decided to make a change in my life and realized short cuts don't help

3. Girls would not have to worry about these issues since they usually wear skirts/dresses, and havin' larger boobs is a good problem to have. 

(shoutout to the hunnies that were nice and said they wished that had a booty and bust as large as mine as a pseudo-compliment). 

Anyways....all any of this comes back to is

II. Self Confidence

A. Like I've said time and again...it's never too late to begin a healthy lifestyle and turn things around.

The easiest time is as you enter puberty, but I'm pretty sure my audience does not include anybody in that age range. The decision has to come from within.

B. Love the skin you're in. People tell me all the time that they're sad/mad when people call them fat, etc. These people also aren't doing anything about it which makes me feel that they want to lose weight, but are scared for the following reasons:

i. fear of being made fun of while trying to lose weight

ii. fear of people pointing you out for trying to eat better

iii. fear that you could try your hardest, and would still fail (biggest). 

No matter what, as long as it is a change from the norm, you WILL have some level of success. Keep your expectations low and work hard. Sounds easy, eh?

At that point, you cannot blame others. If you're comfortable in your own skin, these comments will not affect you and you will be happy. 

III. Faith is the key if you really want to turn it around

A. As is the case with many things, the key is faith. I have so many friends that have alot of "faith" but they are scared/sad. If you have faith, you can do anything. Don't let anybody tell you that you cannot do something. You should believe that things will work out in the end. 

Side note: Don't compromise your ideals in rushing to get married. With modern medicine 40 is the new 30. At the same rate, I'm happy to see a few people that are dear to me find what makes them happy even though it may have taken longer than "usual". 

As always, constructive criticism is appreciated....just don't call me bossy, I just know what I want :)

Also....happy Indian Independence day to ma mother country 

Jai Hind.